summer begins to wane after the initial very strong and overwhelming swell. the heat never hit too strongly and now i find myself with little time left to tie loose ends, close chapters and write up my summaries. i'm trying hard not forget the annotations, the footnotes, the margin scribbles we discussed. driving 42 miles per hour shouting, incredulous,
i continue to wonder what exactly it is all about, each day blends into the next and i do not know where i stand.
my friend sam takes beautiful pictures. he spent part of his summer on an island called nantucket, his photos remind me of what seems to hold meaning in life, raw, honest footage, to me he captured an essence:
i regret spending my summer trapped in LA as i knew i would. i do not have photos of my own like those above to show. i've made some emotional developments, purchased a smart phone and cleaned up only to re dirty my room a few times. every day i check on my rabbit who is still (miraculously) alive and try to spend these last weeks making amends and paving over all these little pot holes that still stick out in my memory, and more importantly, forgiving myself.
ahead of me awaits some land of promise, "college," where "things will be different," and i "can start all over" yet i am increasingly afraid of bringing the past with me, showing up on campus with my bags packed to the brim with my anxiety, clothes i should've thrown out, and bad habits i just can't seem to quit.
but perhaps, things will be different. i will make a bulletin board with pictures of friends and good memories i still do not want to forget. it is a big adventure, no matter how close to home you insist on saying i'm staying, it will be something i cannot expect.
